01.07.08 (8:57 pm) [
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It's All Greek To Me
I've been talking with a friend about those translating tools you find on google and other such sites. I'm not sure how we got on this topic, but I think it had something to do with reading instructions for assembling furniture that were obviously originally written in a foreign language and translated by someone with questionable skills. That sort of thing can be amusing if you have the diagrams to accompany the directions. If not, then it's likely to bring about a monumental tantrum which includes, but is not limited to, turning several shades of red, sweating, shouting words you didn't even realize you knew, tearing up the instructions, scrambling around trying in vain to piece them back together while searching frantically for the illusive invisible tape, and finally hammering the furniture together in an odd configuration and calling it good.
This is pretty much how I feel after exchanging several emails with the future ex. I feel like I'm being reasonable and that the things I'm writing are fairly self-explanatory. I receive replies asking me to clarify sentences that can't possibly be reduced to any simpler terms, meanwhile having the major points completely ignored. If I knew I could replace my computer, I'd be tempted to chuck the whole thing out the window in frustration. How satisfying that would be to take action - even doing something destructive just to feel like I had some control. I know it's impossible to control other people. I also know that getting a few things worked out, even temporarily, would ease a lot of frustration for everyone. It just isn't happening. How do people get to this point?
My son told me something earlier this evening that made me REALLY ANGRY and I told him so. I think he felt like I was angry with him and we talked about that. I told him that I'm not in any way, shape, or form angry with him. I'm angry at the situation. I'm angry about a lot of things he's not aware of. Things I'm not going to make him aware of because he just shouldn't be put in that position. Instictually, I'd love to rail at the moon, but it's unproductive and that's what I told him. I told him that I'll have to work through my anger and that, at this point, anger serves no purpous. I want him to understand that feeling angry doesn't mean you have to be destructive. I hope he gets that. At the same time, I understand that he also needs to release his anger. He's a teenager, after all. So, I brought some large pieces of cardboard up from the basement and let him have at it. I can't change the things that make him angry, but maybe I can help him find a way to channel it. He's a really good kid. I hope this situation doesn't change that - for him or his sister. I keep reminding them how much I love them and how much I want a resolution to what's going on because I know we need to have some peace in our home. It'll take me a long time to work through all of what I'm feeling right now, as I'm sure it will for my ex, but I REALLY wish he could put those things aside and get down to hammering out an agreement!!
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
01.07.08 (9:06 pm)
Good idea about the cardboard... creative, effective and far less expensive than letting him take a sledgehammer to the family minivan.
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
01.07.08 (10:28 pm)
Excuse me if I'm wrong here, but didn't ex say he was/did initiate the divorce? What is his problem? Why doesn't he just get on with it? It's not like he doesn't know what to do ~ or that he doesn't want a divorce. He does have a lawyer, right? Feel free to totally ignore my comment here, but ARRRRrrrrr ~ me thinks he is being a ... well, never mind!
Did your son build something with the cardboard?
Sometimes kids can just 'do something' and take the anger away by being busy doing something fun and not worrying about stuff they can't do anything about.
((hugs)) and know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you to have the strength to get through this ~ and I know you will because you have a lot of help and He will see that you do!!!
posted by:
PirateGirl (
reply)
post date:
01.07.08 (10:56 pm)
Arrrr! is right! ( Hmmm seems that this subject has brought out the pirate in auntconi too! *SMILE!*) - seems to me like he's just so desperate - looking for anything and everything to "catch you" doing something,(anything),wrong, - and he's getting frustrated that he can't - too bad he doesn't know who he's dealing with - (or maybe he does)
You hang in there! - You are doing all the right things! ;)
Hmmm! carrrrdboarrrrd! - sounds like somethin' I could make me a fine sword out of!.....(don't think it would work for makin' me eyepatch tho) - Arrrr*ouch*rrrrr! ;)
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
01.08.08 (6:19 am)
Reply to: auntconi
You're right about all of it, which is why it's so puzzling to me why the dude seems to be having so much trouble washing his hands of me. As for the cardboard, an angry 13-yr-old boy is much more likely to trear stuff apart than build it (unless he has someone working with him). I just let him tear it apart. Seemed like a better idea than letting him stew - or having him mess up something he shouldn't!
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
01.08.08 (6:23 am)
Reply to: PirateGirl
Some of the best advice I've gotten so far is just to keep doing what you've always done in terms of taking care of the kids. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. For the most part, it seems to be working. If the ex knew who he's dealing with, maybe he would've appreciated me more when we were together. Maybe?
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
01.08.08 (6:24 am)
Reply to: surrogate
One does what one can. I wish I had a more constructive alternative.
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
01.08.08 (8:40 am)
I know!!!
~ next time give the STB-ex the piratey warning ~
AARRRRRRRRRRPPPPBFBFBFBFBFBFBBBTTTTTrrrrrRRRRR!!!
Let him know you 'really' mean business!
posted by:
bawdy (
reply)
post date:
01.08.08 (12:38 pm)
Let the kid take a baseball bat to the ex to release pent up anger and you'll kill two birds with one stone. heh
posted by:
auntconi (
reply)
post date:
01.09.08 (12:35 am)
Reply to: bawdy
hehehe ~ good one there bawdy!
posted by:
macsjourney (
reply)
post date:
01.09.08 (11:17 am)
it seems to me that you're doing a great job this far. The fact that you are talking to your kids and at least telling them that you're a wreck and that you are going to have your "fun" moments is huge. And telling them theat they can do the same thing, but just not be destructive will probably be one of the greatest things you can teach them.
posted by:
raggedtiger (
reply)
post date:
01.10.08 (3:12 pm)
hi ho.....hiemerging...i'mmm backkk
posted by:
emerging (
reply)
post date:
01.10.08 (8:10 pm)
Reply to: raggedtiger
So I noticed - you're tough to miss.....but we did miss you, just so you know!
posted by:
surrogate (
reply)
post date:
01.11.08 (3:44 am)
Reply to: bawdy
For some reason "they" frown on that.
But man-oh-man, would that be nice.
posted by:
sebastianjoshua (
reply)
post date:
01.14.08 (11:29 pm)
i have 4 little monsters...
its a long story... i wish you could read my post on 2nd Nov 2007
smile always :-)
posted by:
inkspector (
reply)
post date:
01.27.08 (9:28 am)
Every time you feel angry, replace that with a happy thought or a good deed, or a compliment to distract you.